At fifty-five, I really had only one major achievement I could point to—my family.
Continue Reading »I met my husband when I was still very young. I married him at twenty-three and almost immediately gave up everything I had once planned for myself. I had a good education, had done extremely well at university, knew English, and dreamed of building a career.
But my husband always said that more than anything in the world, he dreamed of having a big family.
A few months after our wedding, I became pregnant with our first child. Then came our second, followed a few years later by our third, fourth, and fifth. Gradually, my life turned into an endless cycle of pregnancies, childbirth, sleepless nights, sick children, school, cooking, and cleaning.
I gave birth to our youngest son at fifty-four.
Altogether, we had eleven children.
Of course, all those years took their toll on me. After so many pregnancies, my health deteriorated significantly. I was constantly exhausted, gained weight, and developed wrinkles. The idea of going to the gym almost made me laugh because there were days when I barely had time to eat a proper meal or even take a shower in peace.
My husband’s life, however, was completely different.
While I took care of the children, he built his career, went on business trips, met people, and gradually began earning very good money. He went to the gym regularly, took care of his appearance, bought expensive clothes, and traveled for work several times a year.
And despite all that, he increasingly started saying:
“Maybe we should have one more? What’s eleven? We could make it twelve.”
I would just laugh.
Despite my exhaustion, I was convinced that I had a wonderful family and a loving husband who understood everything I had sacrificed for him and our children.
But one day, I discovered what he really thought of me.
That evening, several of my husband’s friends came over. They set up the grill on the patio, cooked meat, laughed, and talked while I stayed in the kitchen preparing salads and appetizers for them.
My youngest son was only five months old, so I carried him against my chest in a baby carrier.
When everything was ready, I picked up a tray and headed toward the patio.
A few steps before I reached them, I heard my husband’s voice and stopped.
“I actually want to leave her,” he told his friends.
At first, I didn’t even realize he was talking about me.
“She hasn’t accomplished anything in fifty years. She couldn’t even learn English properly. Sometimes I can barely stand looking at her. Her body is sagging, she’s covered in wrinkles, and she never exercises. Why would I want a loser like that beside me?”
His friends said something in response, but I could barely hear them anymore.
I stood behind the wall with our five-month-old son against my chest and thought about the last thirty-two years of my life.
I remembered the diploma I had put away in a closet after getting married.
I remembered turning down job offers because another one of our children was still too young.
I remembered staying awake night after night while my husband calmly left for work the next morning.
I remembered how he traveled while I simultaneously cooked dinner, helped the children with their homework, and rocked a baby to sleep.
And now the man for whom I had given up my former life was calling me a useless loser.
After everything I had done, I realized my husband needed to face the consequences.
He had no idea what I was capable of because I hadn’t always been just a mother and housewife.
What I did next left him in complete sh0ck. I calmly carried the food back into the kitchen, put my son to bed, and for the first time in many years, I stopped thinking about my husband and what my family wanted.
I thought about myself.
A few weeks later, I filed for divorce myself.
My husband was convinced I would be terrified. In his mind, a fifty-five-year-old housewife with eleven children could never survive without him.
But he had forgotten one important thing.
I hadn’t always been a housewife.
After child support was arranged, I used part of the money to hire a nanny.
Then I found an English tutor and began relearning everything I had once known.
At first, it was incredibly difficult, but little by little, my knowledge returned. After all, many years earlier, I had been one of the best students in my class.
Then I joined a gym.
Not because I wanted to impress anyone or regain my youth, but because for the first time in years, I finally had time to take care of my own health.
A few months later, I started looking for work and soon received my first job offer.
But the most interesting part was what happened to my husband. Under the court’s arrangement, the children had to regularly spend time with their father, so they stayed with him two days a week.
Several of the children at once—including our youngest son.
The man who had spent years believing that I “did nothing” suddenly discovered how many times a baby wakes up during the night, how much food it takes to feed a large family, how much laundry has to be done, and how many questions children can ask at the same time.
One evening, he called me completely exhausted and said:
“I can’t handle this. Come pick them up early today.”
I looked at the time and calmly replied:
“I can’t. I have an English lesson, and then I’m going to the gym. Today is your day with the kids.”
And for the first time in thirty-two years, I ended the conversation when I wanted to.
